why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
*sighs* because the ‘pee’ is silent
no because it’s dead
So I don’t think those free condoms universities hand out suck as much as guys say they do.
Okay, but seriously. If you’re ever considering sexy times with a guy and he tells you that he can’t wear a condom there is a 100.3% chance that he is a liar, and you should definitely not have sex with him. Don’t have sex with liars. Have sex with a cute honest people that bring you ice cream the next morning. Liars do not bring you ice cream. And if they do it’s ice cream made of lies. Ice cream made of lies is very emotionally unfulfilling. Don’t trust liars or their disease-ridden ice cream.
that was the best safe-sex talk ever.
Why I am suspicious of those who say they got pregnant because a condom “broke”…
HAVE ANY OF YOU EVER USED A CONDOM. HAVE ANY OF YOU HAD SEX YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT CONDOMS. SHUT THE FUCK UP. I’m sick of this shit. Just because a condom has a tensile force high enough to withstand inflation does not mean it can comfortably fit any penis. No one wants latex literally stretched against a boner like it is in this pic. A condom that is too small causes added friction which can lead to the condom tearing. If someone tells you it is too small, you LISTEN. YOU DO NOT HAVE RAW SEX WITH THEM. THAT IS NOT WHAT I AM SAYING. YOU GO BUY A MAGNUM. There are even sizes above that. SO NO THERE IS NO EXCUSE TO SAY THAT A PERSON CANNOT WEAR ANY CONDOMS BUT THERE ARE PLENTY OF PEOPLE WHO DO NOT FIT IN CERTAIN SIZES. And whoever the fuck said they don’t believe condoms break is literally fucking stupid as hell. You didn’t even try to think you slut shaming ignorant ass. Condoms do not break from things not fitting in them. They break due to frictional forces without sufficient lubricant and air bubbles trapped in the reservoir tip that push through the latex upon ejaculation. Proper application requires that the tip be pinched to remove this air while it is rolled down the shaft. Very few people know this due to the rampant lack of appropriate sex ed. Proper condom application technique and education is crucial to effective birth control and STI protection. So before you go spouting your ignorant crap, how bout you think about your penised partner and the overall function of a condom and try to spread real education rather than shaming people.
Thank you for articulating what most cannot even comprehend. <3
… The Winter Soldier killed Howard and Maria Stark…
Bucky killed Howard and Maria Stark.
BUCKY FUCKING BARNES KILLED HOWARD AND MARIA STARK.
Make the goddamn connection. ‘Accident’ my ass…
I know it wasn’t the real Bucky. He was buried underneath a shit ton of Hydra brainwashing and memory loss. But just the idea of him murdering Tony’s parents without even knowing is unimaginable and it hurts my heart. Fuck you Marvel and all your damn feels.
Not just murdering Tony’s parents, but murdering a man Bucky no doubt knew personally and might have considered a friend, murdering someone who helped Steve rescue him from the HYDRA base and who we can be 99.99999% sure Bucky himself would not have wanted to kill.
I didn’t catch this and now everything hurts.
when i said “The MCU is beautiful and nothing hurts” what I meant was “everything hurts forever goodbye”
I love it. Because with the popular “Tony hacked SHIELD and all that info is waiting for him” post going around, imagine when Tony digs it up and finds out the guy who Steve’s chasing around killed his dad. Imagine him cobbling together a slapdash suit without Pepper noticing and jetting to where Bucky is, and being ready to blow him up without him even realizing Tony’s there, only to stop.
Because the man down there doesn’t look like a remorseless trained killer. He’s dirty and he’s thin and he’s sleeping on a park bench. The cybernetic arm he’s got doesn’t work right. The fingers are awkwardly curled where the servomotors have run down. The knuckles on his flesh and blood hand are bruised and scraped from where he had to fight off a couple of drug addicts wanting to roll a homeless guy for spare change.
And Tony would lower the repulsors and pick up his phone and call Steve. And leave before he got there.
Pepper would find him in the morning with a smashed up set of armor and a bottle of scotch and an old album. Drunk and crying.
Tony thinks long and hard before he puts on the suit again.
I didn’t grow up reading comic books. I didn’t have too much interest in them. It’s been kinda coincidental that I’ve made so many comic book films.
Zhou mi Weibo Update | 140419
周觅_SJM: Thank you everyone for your well-wishes, everyone is slowly growing up. I am 18 years old today [蛋糕][奥特曼] I love you all [心]
Max Records and Spike Jonze on the set of Where the Wild Things Are (2009)
never forget where you come from.
For a minute I thought they were all looking into the Mirror of Erised and regretting all the decisions that led them to their empty shells of existence.
^ that’s what I thought too
tumblr spreads messages like
"i don’t care if my bad mood and attitude offends you i’m not put on this earth to make you comfortable and happy deal with it"
and with the same breath they say shit like
"please don’t use these words and names with me they make me uncomfortable and i want you to stop using them also please be nice to me I’m sensitive and don’t touch me"
americans seem to think there are two accents in england
- tally ho old chum cheerio yes yes wot wot
- YOU AIGHT M8 I’LL FUCK YA UP FOR LOOKIN AT MY TELLY
which is 100% true
actually everyone thinks that
but english people seem to think americans have two accents
- well hidey ho thare I was just goin to round up them there horses
- woah gnarly waves dude lets go eat a hamburger and smoke some weed
“Whenever I get recognized, it’s from The Fall. I don’t really look like Ned. I usually have a beard and don’t carry pies around.”
a very late birthday gift for iamwhatyousay
HAE ALWAYS LOSING TO HYUKKIE’S GUMS!!!
"Please demonstrate a confident expression"
I’m sorry I think you heard spastic but what I said was confident.